If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
