No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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