I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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