Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize