This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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