I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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