the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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