Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
