ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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