I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
