In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize