My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
