I accidentally burped into my bong.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize