I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
