tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
