No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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