The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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