I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
