Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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