I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
