Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
