margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
