I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
