I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
