i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
