I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
