Small penises have feelings too.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
