Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you win again, gameday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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