I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
