I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
