I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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