I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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