Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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