This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
