Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
