Sponge bath it is.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
