I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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