thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
