let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
