Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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