remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
