I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
