we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
