Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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