I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I need to align my fucking chakras
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
