# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
