dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
