I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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