My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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