This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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