i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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