Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
