I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize