I just cut my nipple shaving
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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