Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
