Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You made out with two different species that night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
