So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
