so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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