Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
