he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
