PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
