Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
