hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The feeling are messing with the penis
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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