I need help removing her.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
