I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
