i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize