well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
