So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
