Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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