umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
