there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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