Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just had sex bonerless
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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