I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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