McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
