so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
