distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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