plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
