erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
