i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
