Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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