I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
