Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
