I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
