Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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