Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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