2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
