What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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