thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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