My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
