kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
