Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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