we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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