I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
