Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
