the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
