Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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