it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
