I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
