It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
