I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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