walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
