TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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