I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
