Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
