why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
