Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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