Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
